Hey guys,

It's been ages since I did a personal post and a lot of things have changed recently so I thought it was the perfect opportunity to fill you guys in and get a few things off my chest.

So September marked a milestone for my family. My baby, angel, bubbles, Zinnia started school. This is such a momentous achievement because when I think of her as a baby to where she is now it's pretty remarkable. It might sound cliche, but she has grown into such an intelligent, caring, mindful little girl and I could literally burst with pride thinking about her standing there in her uniform. She is born in August and this makes her the youngest in her class, but I can confidently say she was more than ready for school.

With Zinnia starting school, I also felt like it was time for my little Princess, Choochi, Sabine to get a little bit more structure to her day, so decided to start her in nursery. She is 2 and a half now and I felt like she needed it. She is such a beautiful and clever little thing, and her cheekiness is admirable but I knew this would be put to the test with her starting nursery. She talked the talk, in that she was boasting to everyone she was going to start nursery, however when the settling in sessions started, she was distressed. She does three full days, 8am to 4pm, while I'm at work. She still has a little cry in the mornings, but I guess these things take time. They tell me she plays happily once she has calmed down in the morning. But then when I see her as I walk through the door she bursts into tears again. It's quite sweet actually. Her little lips and big eyes stunned at seeing me and then all of a sudden a burst of emotion as she is reminded of the hurt. However, she has had the odd occasion where she sees me and runs to give me a hug so all in all she is getting better.

My husband has also started working full time. We were previously both working part time and then spending equal days looking after the girls. Whilst I was at work he would look after the girls and when he was at work I would. So in a weird way my routine is the only one that has stayed the same, working three days as a teacher and freelancing as a make-up artist the rest of the time, but obviously with the girls starting school and nursery and Aaron starting back full time, all these changes have affected me too in the strangest of ways.

I'm a little lost. I guess it had taken me about 4 years to get used to the idea of the fact that I am mum  and literally when I became comfortable in my skin and routine, all of a sudden I feel like I have lost my identity all over again (see my Identity Crisis post here). Which is stupid. I mean I am literally telling myself that this feeling is ridiculous. I can't help but feel I have lost a little bit of my girls. I have absolutely no idea what they get up to when they're at school/ nursery. Even being a teacher myself and understanding the curriculum and what it's like for children at school, I still find it hard to deal with the fact that I don't know what they're getting up to. God help me when they become teenagers and want to go out on their own (not happening). 

And then comes the bout of guilt again. Anytime I'm not with them (unless I'm working) I feel guilty. 'Oh I shouldn't leave them, I hardly see them now they're at school/nursery.' Which is bull because I do and I know I deserve time to myself. I think I'm my own worst enemy and my biggest critic. I still have a lot of guilt towards Zinnia for being a first time mum quite young and not knowing what I was doing. Which again is ridiculous as I did the best I could and everyone experiences this as first time mums. It's like feeling guilty for her being first and Sabine second, but someone has to go first. I realise what I'm saying is so irrational but it's a feeling and that's all. This motherhood malarky is the most complicated thing I have ever done.

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen in my stories we have also decided to move house. We haven't been here long and I love my house but I'm also thinking about my girls future and I want the absolute best for them so I will do whatever I can to get that for them. Exciting things are happening and I will keep you all posted!

Amina xx

Here's my gift guide for this Mother's Day. To all you fabulous mums out there, I hope you get spoilt rotten on this day. You deserve it. Being a mum is one of the hardest jobs in the world so you deserve all the praise you get. If you're struggling for things to buy, I hope this guide helps. These are all things I would love as a mum, and I'm sure my mum would love them too.

This is a beautiful skincare package that comes gift wrapped, ready for Mother's Day. It contains a cleanser, toner and cream, all scented with frankincense and rose (heaven in a bottle). It's perfect for anyone who wants to add something to their skincare routine or try something new. I know for a fact my mum doesn't use a cleanser or toner, but she loves her beauty products so I think they would be perfect for her. AA Skincare is a brand that is new to me but I can honestly say I am loving all the products I am trying. Such good quality and for a great price.

Flowers just go hand in hand with Mother's Day, but why not mix it up a bit with this beautiful birdcage planter from Lidl. I thought it was so beautiful and a great alternative to a bouquet. When the flowers die, you could replace them with more or try something different, like a big candle. I would be delighted to receive it. I can just see myself using that birdcage for a blog prop! 

These Burt's Bees lipsticks look absolutely fab and the fact they are 100% natural just draws me towards them. At £9.99 (10% going to British Bee Keeping Association) I would say they are pretty reasonably priced. The shade 'Blush Basin' particularly appeals to me, but what's fab is that the brand offers a shade selector on its website, where you can input details based on your skin colour, the occasion and your mood and it picks a shade for you, which I thought was quite fun!

4. Primark 'Tea-rrific Mum' Mug and Coaster Set (£3.00)

I love a good mug and there happens to be a fair amount of 'Mummy Mugs' on the market around this time of year, but I kind of fell in love with this one. You get a mug and a lovely coaster all for just £3! What a bargain. I actually picked this out for myself as a Mother's Day gift, as my old mummy mug got a chipped (RIP) and my tea hasn't been the same ever since. Let's hope this one lives up to the reputation of the last!

I recently got gifted a free LVL treatment and I was over the moon. Exactly what I needed. This treatment is a life changer and is the perfect treat for us busy mums. Let me explain why. Firstly, because the treatment itself only takes 45 minutes - all you need to do is lie down and close your eyes. Heck, I'd  pay £100 pound to get 45 minutes of peace, but that's another blog post! It also leaves you with beautiful lashes that don't need any mascara, which again is going to save you a few minutes in a day. Is it just me or are your eyelashes the thing you spend longest on? I do! It leaves you with immediate results - lashes that are low maintenance and last up to eight weeks. What more could you ask for? I have had this treatment before (click here for before and after pictures) and can't recommend it enough.

If you fancy splashing the cash then I think these initial pendants are beautiful. They are made with real diamond and look so dainty. I love personalised items and think this would make the perfect gift for any mum. For a first time mum, if buying as a gift for a friend, or partner, it would be nice to get the baby's initial. They are available in rose gold, gold and silver, I think the rose gold is my favourite.

If you read my last post about beauty sleep (click here) you will know that for the month of March you can get the Dr Botanicals Advanced Purifying Night Masque for £19.99 (down from £67!), using code ALIBLOG. It would make the perfect treat for those skincare lovers, as this overnight treatment leaves your skin looking super soft and fresh.

There's nothing better than getting away and having some relaxing 'me time'. I have been looking for a fab spa package to treat my mum with (and myself) and I think I might have found the perfect one. For £82 per person (Sunday Night Break) you get an overnight stay in a classic Hilton room at the Hilton Birmingham Metropole, with breakfast, full access to leisure facilities, including heated pool, steam room, sauna and jacuzzi, a choice of a 60 minute treatment, Neal & Wolf Shampoo and conditioners and an Elemis Taster Sachet. For more deals across the UK follow them on twitter @TheOceanRooms.

So these are a few of my Mother's Day gift picks. When selecting gifts, my rule is to always buy something I would be happy to receive myself, and I would be delighted with any of the above. I hope you like them too! I think I might hint to my husband that he needs to check my blog out and maybe he'll get the picture. Have you got your Mother's Day gifts sorted yet?

Amina xx

Hi Guys,

For my last post of the year, I'm feeling a little bit reflective. I'm sat here on my laptop while my eldest daughter (3) is finally asleep, after what I can only call a traumatic few days for her. She had a horrible fall. We were set to go shopping and decided to have our weekly Costa stop off. Unfortunately, she tripped and fell into a table, landing face first and bashing her mouth to the point where her front teeth have been pushed backwards. She won't eat, sleep, or talk. We are having to feed her with a syringe. But after being in hospital all day yesterday and seeing the emergency dentist, fingers crossed she will be ok (with a little help from some Calpol and Amoxicillin). The pain you feel when your child is in pain is the worst. An aching of helplessness right in the heart. It has really made me think about what's important and what I am planning for the next year.

I'm glad to say we had a fabulous Christmas. I love Christmas. It's that time of the year when we get to spend time with the people we love most and enjoy each others company, while having an excuse to scoff our faces. And having kids makes it that extra bit special because you get excited for them. Putting up the tree, giving and receiving presents, eating the chocolate from the advent calendar, and making gingerbread are all things that are becoming traditions we thoroughly enjoy and embrace. I wish the whole year was full of these kinds of highs.

We've had other highs this year too, a memorable one being our first family holiday to Cyprus. The most amazing memories were made there which I will carry with me for a lifetime. My eldest starting nursery and my youngest having her first birthday in February. All milestones that I cherish. My mum beat her breast cancer and completed Hajj, a pilgrimage to Mecca which I am so proud of her for. My Dad turned 70, which we celebrated with the whole family in Spain. These are all things that I can say truly made my year. A big part of my year was blogging once a week, every week. I think this was the biggest commitment I made in 2016 and I didn't realise how much it was going to occupy my life!

When I try to think of lows this year for me personally, I struggle. I am rich in the fact I have great family, a husband who is, well, much more than that. Two beautiful daughters. A home I can call my own. However, when I think of the bigger picture, there has been a few lows. Brexit being one, Trump being another, Aleppo breaking my heart. I saw a burnt Syrian baby's face the other day. All I could see was my child. There. Screaming,  All things which again I feel completely helpless but so strongly about. These all strike a chord with me.

Leaving 2016 in a low was not what I planned, my daughter isn't her normal self and neither am I.   But I suppose it will take time. Time is one thing I thought I had. But I think if I've learnt anything from 2016 it's that we are all running out of time. The amount of deaths this year alone has highlighted this. So many icons no longer with us: David Bowie, Muhammad Ali and Prince, to name a few. The only thing we can do however, is to embrace whatever 2017 has to throw at us and live it to it's fullest. Whatever that may be. Swimming with sharks, jumping from a plane, or maybe just stepping out the front door, or trying something new. I know I will appreciate what I have and make the most of it. So here's to 2017 - let's face it with strength, courage and an eagerness for more. 

Amina xx

Hi,

So this post is a bit of a personal one. If you're not into these, then click away now. I've been writing this for quite a while but always seem to fail at posting it. I thought it would be an interesting read as it will also allow you to get to know me a bit more. So here goes...

I remember feeling it when I got my first car and when I started my first proper full time job as a primary school teacher. I was driving and had a full time job. I felt very grown up all of a sudden. I then felt it again when I got married. But I definitely felt it the most after having kids.

If you read my blog you will know by now that I am a mum of two beautiful little girls. My eldest is nearly three and a half and youngest nearly two. I got married at 22 and became a mum at 24. This was such a blessing, but also, as you can imagine, really hard! I was so unprepared and didn't really know the depth of responsibility that motherhood would actually bring. I've documented parts of my mummy journey in blogposts such as, Welcome to motherhood, Breastfeeding 101 and To my girls on their 1st Birthday, in the hope of passing on some of my experiences.

The first few months of motherhood are a mixture of bliss and chaos. Bliss because of the miracle that has just happened and chaos because you don't know what is hitting you from all angles, be it breast milk, poo, crying, worry. It's like a battlefield. However, I found that once I started to get a handle on all of this (only around the nine month mark) I still couldn't shake the feeling - this thought that I had through all those major milestones. I knew I was doing everything I could to keep my baby safe, happy and healthy, but it just kept going through my mind... 'who am I?'. I was having an identity crisis.

I didn't think at the age of 24/25 I would be having what felt like a mid-life crisis. Am I just a mum? Am I still that person who loves to read, who loves to go to the cinema, who loves to go out with her friends? How could I hold on to all those things that defined me, when I never get the chance to do the things I love anymore!?

I had this new role that had been thrust upon me and, for the past nine months, that is all I had been. A mum. Nothing else. Was this all I was now? A mum. I kept repeating it to myself and felt a little guilty that I wasn't satisfied at being this and only this. Of course it felt amazing to be somebody's mum. To feel that unconditional love. To look into your baby's eyes and feel an overwhelming sense of love and comfort. But I needed to remember who I was before that, so I decided to get a little bit of my own self back - not just for my health, but for my baby too! By doing things like going out with my friends, going for date night with the hubby, things started to seem normal for a little while... and then baby number 2 came along!

Once again, after the initial few months of craziness, I again found myself feeling a little bit lost and confused. So again I tried doing all the things I used to love, but I wanted more. This is where my lovely blog comes in! I started this blog as something to do for myself and a hobby I could enjoy, and it really has turned into something I'm proud to say I do for me, even though I do have the odd natter about the kids. I write to express my love for the things that interest me most and to pass on any knowledge I have on motherhood, so people know they are not alone. One thing I absolutely love about blogging is the freedom and creativity it allows me to have! This is my own little space. It's a little bit like when buying your own first home. You finally have the freedom to do whatever you want and it's great.


So this was my identity crisis, but I am happy to say I am defined by many labels. Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, Friend, Teacher, Blogger, Make-up Artist. All labels I love.

Have you ever had an identity crisis? Do you ever wonder who you are? I would love to hear any of your thoughts below.

Amina xx