Hi everyone,

I am currently on summer holidays and really enjoying time out from blogging and work in general. I can't remember the last time I felt so relaxed and destressed. I recently got back from a holiday to Ibiza for my 30th Birthday which you may have seen on my Instagram (there is a stories highlight on my profile if you want to catch up) and it was my first holiday away from the kids, it has been over 5 years since I've been on holiday without them. They say travelling is good for the soul and this trip really was. I had time to myself and time to think without being interrupted. My thoughts were allowed to wander, to work themselves out, to understand. And this is how I have come to this post today.

I came to the realisation that the last decade had been quite a crazy one. I almost felt like I had lived a lifetime in 10 years, graduating, getting engaged and married, having my first baby, buying my first house, having my second baby, buying my second house. I realised I had been doing a lot of chasing, trying to reach goals, always wanting more, always trying to achieve more. But now it is finally time to accept. Accept what I have, what I have achieved and to be satisfied with it. 

Acceptance is so important, just being able to go yes I am where I am and that is ok can change everything. I think social media makes it very hard to accept our lives. We are constantly watching people with lives that are so much more luxurious than ours, that it sometimes becomes a bit of a normality. It can be a good thing as it makes us ambitious, working harder to earn a bit more money to buy that designer handbag, or in my case coffee table. I'm obsessed with home interiors at the moment, especially since I moved house. My Pinterest account is full of ideas. But anyway, it can also be a bad thing as sometimes some of these ambitions might be unrealistic which can in turn make us unhappy with what we are unable to achieve. Accepting where I am and not knowing what the future holds feels good for once.

I've learnt to accept people change. I am at a different place now with what I want. Things that made me happy a few years ago, no longer mean anything to me, relationships I had, no longer mean anything to me. Accept not everyone is going to be genuine and on your side. One thing I have learnt is it is important to make and break relationships, especially toxic ones, or even ones with people who just don't do anything for you. Relationships are all about give and take so don't be afraid to end relationships where it is all take.

Relationships take so much more work when you get older. Life gets busy, you need to make more time to see those family and friends who are important to you, I lost two friends last year one very suddenly and the other to a long term illness, but it taught me to really value those people who mean something to me and make time for those relationships. It's so easy when we are younger to see your friends and family all the time. But in the real world relationships become so much harder.  So if you are in my life at the moment, it's because I genuinely value you and love you.

I have honestly learnt to accept myself, love myself and my flaws. I don't care as much for my appearance anymore, I'm so much more interested in being a good role model for my girls. Showing them it's ok to be completely natural and still own it and be confident. Don't get me wrong, I still love to get my glam on as you can tell from my Instagram, but it just doesn't matter as much anymore.  I think finally at the age of 30 I am learning to love my natural curls, although it is always a love hate relationship as they have a split personality.

Accepting yourself and loving yourself is really hard but essential for happiness and maybe with age mentality changes a little. Accept not everyone will like you, I care less about what others think about me now and more about what I think about myself. People will always judge and there is no point putting energy into things you can't control. Since I have started thinking a little more selfishly for myself and my family, I have genuinely become happier.



I have also accepted not everything has to go to plan as there is a bigger plan and bigger picture. So I  go with the flow a little more and have learnt to be a little more spontaneous. I have got so much more I want to achieve in life, charity work, write a book, start my own business, maybe more kids? Ahhhhhh. I said MAYBE. But what I know is I have achieved so much already. By the age of 30 I am  married, have two babies and have bought my second home and have my shit together - kind of. But for once I am owning it. I am not chasing anything. I have everything I need, I am grateful and I accept it. Thank God.

Amina xx

Hey guys,

It's been ages since I did a personal post and a lot of things have changed recently so I thought it was the perfect opportunity to fill you guys in and get a few things off my chest.

So September marked a milestone for my family. My baby, angel, bubbles, Zinnia started school. This is such a momentous achievement because when I think of her as a baby to where she is now it's pretty remarkable. It might sound cliche, but she has grown into such an intelligent, caring, mindful little girl and I could literally burst with pride thinking about her standing there in her uniform. She is born in August and this makes her the youngest in her class, but I can confidently say she was more than ready for school.

With Zinnia starting school, I also felt like it was time for my little Princess, Choochi, Sabine to get a little bit more structure to her day, so decided to start her in nursery. She is 2 and a half now and I felt like she needed it. She is such a beautiful and clever little thing, and her cheekiness is admirable but I knew this would be put to the test with her starting nursery. She talked the talk, in that she was boasting to everyone she was going to start nursery, however when the settling in sessions started, she was distressed. She does three full days, 8am to 4pm, while I'm at work. She still has a little cry in the mornings, but I guess these things take time. They tell me she plays happily once she has calmed down in the morning. But then when I see her as I walk through the door she bursts into tears again. It's quite sweet actually. Her little lips and big eyes stunned at seeing me and then all of a sudden a burst of emotion as she is reminded of the hurt. However, she has had the odd occasion where she sees me and runs to give me a hug so all in all she is getting better.

My husband has also started working full time. We were previously both working part time and then spending equal days looking after the girls. Whilst I was at work he would look after the girls and when he was at work I would. So in a weird way my routine is the only one that has stayed the same, working three days as a teacher and freelancing as a make-up artist the rest of the time, but obviously with the girls starting school and nursery and Aaron starting back full time, all these changes have affected me too in the strangest of ways.

I'm a little lost. I guess it had taken me about 4 years to get used to the idea of the fact that I am mum  and literally when I became comfortable in my skin and routine, all of a sudden I feel like I have lost my identity all over again (see my Identity Crisis post here). Which is stupid. I mean I am literally telling myself that this feeling is ridiculous. I can't help but feel I have lost a little bit of my girls. I have absolutely no idea what they get up to when they're at school/ nursery. Even being a teacher myself and understanding the curriculum and what it's like for children at school, I still find it hard to deal with the fact that I don't know what they're getting up to. God help me when they become teenagers and want to go out on their own (not happening). 

And then comes the bout of guilt again. Anytime I'm not with them (unless I'm working) I feel guilty. 'Oh I shouldn't leave them, I hardly see them now they're at school/nursery.' Which is bull because I do and I know I deserve time to myself. I think I'm my own worst enemy and my biggest critic. I still have a lot of guilt towards Zinnia for being a first time mum quite young and not knowing what I was doing. Which again is ridiculous as I did the best I could and everyone experiences this as first time mums. It's like feeling guilty for her being first and Sabine second, but someone has to go first. I realise what I'm saying is so irrational but it's a feeling and that's all. This motherhood malarky is the most complicated thing I have ever done.

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen in my stories we have also decided to move house. We haven't been here long and I love my house but I'm also thinking about my girls future and I want the absolute best for them so I will do whatever I can to get that for them. Exciting things are happening and I will keep you all posted!

Amina xx