Life, in my eyes, comes in two chapters. Pre-children and post-children. So, you've waited nine months to meet this little bundle of joy and then the realisation hits you that life as you know it will never be the same. I remember that feeling well. This is one of many overwhelming emotions that comes with being a mum. Guilt is another. There are also nice emotions too. But either way, most of them will make you cry.
Expect the unexpected. Expect to feel emotions you have never felt. Expect to be a different person. Expect to be the mother you didn't think you would be. Don't expect to have time to eat, sleep or poo; or even to remember that you need to do these things. No matter how much advice someone can give you, you will never be ready for what's about to hit you. But, here I am, a little over two years later from my first experience, and I now have another! So, it can't be all that bad, can it?
The girls are asleep. Why is it that I want to hold them most when they are asleep? I suppose it is at this time I can appreciate them most, as now that I have two there is definitely not enough time in the day to reflect on my feelings. I have waited all day for a break and yet I find myself here talking about them. I am obsessed, what can I say? Don't get me wrong, sometimes (a lot of the time) I can just switch off, but occasionally all I can think about is them. I have two beautiful little girls and this feeling of not being able to switch off from them has gradually started to lessen, but once in a blue moon I have a day of thinking: Are they ok? Did they eat enough? Are they too cold? Am I a good enough mum? So annoying.
I can't remember what life was like before I had them. Well, actually I can: no responsibility, the world revolved around me, spontaneity, sleep; the list goes on. I miss the spontaneity and making last minute plans. Now everything has to be planned at least 24 hours in advance. My oldest is only two, yet it seems like a lifetime ago.
My babies have given me meaning to life. That's not to say I didn't have meaning before I had them. But, I feel as though everything has fallen into place since having them. Things seem to make sense. I understand what all those experiences, prior to having them, were for. Now the good, and all I've learnt from the bad, can be passed on. Gosh this is getting serious. How have I ended up at the meaning of life? WOW.
How has motherhood affected you? I love hearing about experiences of motherhood, so please feel free to leave a comment.