Pregnancy No.3 : My First Trimester


Hey guys,

So by now you should know that I'm pregnant! I decided to document my first trimester in a diary format, so parts will be as I am experiencing it and there may also be comments from me reflecting on it later. Even though my blog started off as a motherhood and beauty blog, more recently I have focused a little more on the beauty side of things, but please expect to read more of my experience in pregnancy. The interesting thing is I started my blog nine months after the birth of my second child. So even though there are a lot of post-natal posts (click here) there are no pre-natal ones, so I am making sure I document how I feel every step of the way!

7 weeks
How can I feel so lifeless when I have never been more full of life? I'm pregnant, and the reality is I'm exhausted, not just from feeling tired but from feeling sick, from being constipated, from the smells that are the most overpowering they have ever been. This is my third pregnancy. so you might say you knew what you were getting yourself into. Yes I knew, but when reality hits, there's nothing quite like it. 

We really tried for this baby, meaning I didn't conceive quite as easily as I did my first two. It took around 8 months, maybe even longer. So when I took that pregnancy test and saw the two lines, the feeling of elation was overwhelming. I knew before I did the test, as I had all the typical signs like tender breasts, feeling tired, implantation bleed, etc. I hadn't even missed my period, I just knew, as I did with my first two. To be honest, there was about two weeks of excitement and then all the other symptoms started to become overwhelming. I haven't really grasped the idea of there being a little pea sized alien in my belly, I'm just too consumed with my side effects. I know I'm not 'ill' but the reality is in the first few months, it's not uncommon to feel like this. I feel like maybe people don't really tell you too much about this part out of fear of it putting you off. But of course it is all worth it and I keep trying to picture the end result of the baby in my arms. But feel so detached from that picture right now.

8 weeks
Obviously, this pregnancy is very different from the previous two, as I also have two children to run around after who are five and four. In a way, they are actually very independent so not as demanding as a two year old might be, however I think it still takes it's toll and I often find myself feeling guilty for not being there for them as much because sometimes all I want to do is sleep. I have never felt this kind of fatigue in my life. Even with the other two, I was tired, but not like this. Cooking is a real struggle for me at the moment, as evenings tend to be when my sickness and nausea is heightened, so cooking a hot meal can almost feel impossible, luckily this is where the husband comes in and he has been fantastic. I have also found cooking in the day when I am feeling ok and then reheating in the evening better, as sometimes I just can't bare the thought of it later in the day. I've got my old pregnancy Sea bands* out, which are elasticated straps that you wear on your wrists. They work by pressing on pressure points. They seem to take the edge off the sickness, so I'll keep wearing them.

I had my bloods taken this week so hopefully if there is anything to worry about it will show up. Obviously, it can't really tell me how the baby is and this is all I seem to be concerned with at the moment. I just want the baby to be ok. I feel emotional typing it but that is my biggest concern right now. Looking back, I think my anxiety in pregnancy starts very early on. The excitement turns into worry pretty quickly. Maybe it's just natural to feel this way. It was overwhelming in my first pregnancy and prevalent in my second but I have promised myself I won't let it ruin my experience this time around.

Working part time is great but I feel like my colleagues can tell something is wrong with me or they just think I'm in a mood. I'm being very impatient and weeing a lot. But work helps to keep my mind occupied. In a way, I feel like my symptoms are similar to my first, it's just I know better how to cope with them so I haven't had any time off work, even though I could do with not having to think about it. I've also been doing pregnancy yoga, it's really helping with the light headedness I feel in the mornings. I always seem to suffer from low blood pressure when pregnant so the exercise helps to bring it up a bit.

9 weeks
To summarise my previous two pregnancies, my first was full of sickness, literally until 7 months pregnant. I lost weight initially and literally the day after I had the baby I was back in my normal jeans, because I had hardly put on any weight due to feeling so ill. My second pregnancy was full of nausea initially however this subsided around month 4, however I had very bad Sciatica, to the point where in the last few weeks I was offered crutches. Probably due to the fact that I got pregnant 9 months after having my first. So they both haven't been the easiest but thankfully both babies were born healthy. This is all I can wish for with my third. All the pains of pregnancies are really worth it if the baby is born healthy. I don't care whether it is a boy or girl, genuinely. Having two girls, people probably assume I want a boy but it's really not the case. I just want a healthy baby. I keep getting this horrible taste in my mouth and I'm not sure if that is making me feel more sick or what. I constantly want to eat to get rid of the taste but then I'm battling the nausea at the same time. Feels like a lose-lose situation at the moment.

I've had a few birthdays and events that I needed to be at this week and it has been so hard. Being in a restaurant full of smells and literally wanting to fall asleep at the table. Putting on a brave face is not easy. Even when you explain to people how you feel, they don't seem to have sympathy, more worried about what you are wearing or how you look rather than the fact you have turned up to something that feels impossible. So I've decided I'm putting myself first. If I'm not feeling well, don't expect me to pretend. The only person I think who really understands is Aaron, he is going through it with me every step of the way. Thank God for him.

10 & 11 weeks
Feeling like I have a lot more energy and little more like myself. I can now make it to 9 o clock before I have to sleep, which is an achievement. For some reason, when it reaches 4 o'clock my nausea  goes into overdrive so I have been finding it very difficult eating my evening meal and full-on puked out pizza I had just eaten the other night. Not sure if I will ever be able to eat pizza again - to be honest, it was so thick and paste-like, it is embedded in my brain. Throwing up is never nice but you do get used to it in pregnancy, kind of like aversion therapy. It just doesn't bother me anymore. What does bother me is keeping food down. Sometimes I can't bring myself to put food in my mouth and when I struggle for half an hour to eat a meal and then end up throwing it up, it's so frustrating. The whole feeling of being constantly unwell can really get you down and in these first few months it's a constant battle. My mental health isn't the best right now as I just feel down all the time but I'm trying to focus on the positives, like my scan next week! So excited to see baby. I had a day dream of me holding the new baby, smelling its skin and just snuggling and this made me feel so good. So definitely going to do more visualising. I also love visiting the website once a week to see how baby is developing. It's like a little treat for me and again helps me picture baby as more than something that is just making me ill right now.

12, 13 & 14 weeks
The scan was amazing. Everything I could wish for. Funnily enough, it was completely different to my first two 12 week scans. Baby was literally so relaxed, just lying there, gulping every now and again, but so chilled. Whereas with my first two, they were literally spinning around and doing summersaults, so it was surprising really. Maybe it reflects the calmness and positive vibes I'm trying to bring to this pregnancy. The symptoms are really starting to fade now. Still nauseous in the evening and that strange taste won't go, but I'm managing and feeling a lot happier. Constipation is still a bitch so I am trying to drink as much water as possible and prunes have become my best friend. I feel like so many other symptoms are linked to constipation, like headaches and bloating so really trying to keep on top of this. Oh and i've started those pelvic floor exercises, got to keep it strong down there!

Looking back on the first trimester, it is one of the hardest, physically, emotionally and mentally. I even found myself questioning why I was so desperate to have a third. Was it worth it, when I already have two beautiful girls?... and every time this even flickered in my mind, I told myself to stop being stupid and be grateful. I feel so guilty saying this out loud but that's how bad it got for me. Of course it IS worth it, and now being in my second trimester I can say it does get better. So staying positive really is worth it because before you know it, the best trimester is around the corner. What I would say is listen to your body, take time off, relax and try to focus. This is just the beginning.

I would love to hear any of your experiences or thoughts in the comments below.

Amina xx

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